You can put lipstick on a pig . . .

How many ways can we modify, twist, bake, sprout, compress, ferment, or add things to wheat . . . and make it not wheat?

Can we somehow subject wheat flour to lactic acid fermentation, for instance, to make sourdough bread and disable the lectins in wheat that provoke abnormal intestinal permeabiity?

Can we sprout the seeds and rid the wheat of gliadin protein that stimulates appetite?

Is there a way to compress the flour to prevent the sudden surge of blood sugar to high levels provoked by the amylopectin A of wheat?

If we avoid use of herbicides and pesticides, instead relying only on natural means so that we can declare our wheat “organic,” does that mean the gluten, gliadin, amylopectin A, and lectins are removed?

The answers are no, no, no, and no. We can no more change the basic genetics and biochemistry of wheat by these methods than we can put a pilot’s hat and wings on a chimpanzee and expect him to fly a 747. A chimpanzee is a chimpanzee, no matter how good he looks in a blue uniform, and wheat is wheat no matter how smartly you dress it up.

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13 Responses to You can put lipstick on a pig . . .

  1. John McLean says:

    Brilliant and hilarious! One week into a permanently wheat-free lifestyle and I have already lost 6 lbs! My birthday is next week and my teenage son gave me the best present ever: He’s giving up wheat for (at least) the entire month of November!

    • Kellylynn says:

      Great job! After going off wheat and then having to eat it again for only a week I gained 10 lbs back! Now after only three days, 6 lbs are gone and I’ve hid my scale from myself. I don’t care how much weight I lose if I feel even remotely better. Keep up the good work!!

      • Dr. Davis says:

        Wow, Kelly. That’s an incredible yo-yo effect!

        The message is clear: Stay away from this thing, as far away as you can get.

      • Gus says:

        I honestly do not believe some of these claims. I have been off wheat for a week now and my weight has not changed an ounce. I generally eat small amounts of natural foods at meal times anyway (nothing processed if I can at all avoid them) and I continue to do that while eliminating the wheat which was minimal in my diet to begin with and I have not noticed a thing except I am hungrier than normal more often so I find myself snacking more- on nuts mostly cause I don’t so much like uncooked veggies. I am waiting for the pounds to start falling off although I only needf to lose about 5lbs. Either way I won’t go back to eating wheat products, at least not in the near future:)

  2. Be says:

    This is a good post in response to what I know is a barrage of questions – mostly rooted in disbelief. The only thing I am not sure of is whether ancient wheat was really any different.

  3. Boundless says:

    Be: > The only thing I am not sure of is whether ancient wheat was really any different.

    Date: Winter Solstice, 8011 BCE

    Piyos, a Paleo Priest, is standing outside one
    of the many “fire caves” in the area, trying
    both to keep warm, and not succumb to the
    sulfurous vapors.

    Looking skyward, he implores …
    “Oh food gods, hear my plea.”

    A thunderous voice is heard, not from the sky,
    but from a fire cave. It says:
    “What is your request?”

    Piyos: “Who speaks? Are you a food god?”

    Voice: “I am Glutenous, Acting Demigod of
    Snacks and Dietary Dogma. What is your request?”

    Piyos: “The nuts are exhausted. The berries are
    rotted or frozen. The mammoth hunts are failing.
    How can we escape starvation?”

    Glutenous: “I can help you with that.
    I can give you food for sparse days.
    But there is a price.”

    Piyos: “Say your price, oh food god.”

    Glutenous: “Your tribe numbers about 100.
    First: for all but one of you, for each day
    of avoided starvation, I will take one day
    after your 50th winter. The last days will
    not be fun.”

    Piyos: “You are too generous, oh food god.
    We rarely see more than 35 winters.”

    Glutenous: “Second: for one of you, I will
    collect early. It will be most unpleasant.”

    Piyos: “I can’t count beyond 35, but that
    sounds like acceptable odds.”

    Glutenous: “Third: once you partake, you
    cannot cease to consume the new food.”

    Piyos: “I will put this to the tribe, and
    return promptly with an answer.”

    Glutenous: “No. Do not tell them of the price.
    Speak only the dogma.”

    Piyos: “What is the dogma?”

    “Healthy Whole Grains. Now, you see those tall
    grasses in yon meadow …”
    _______
    10000 years later, we reconsider
    the deal and the dietary dogma.

  4. Rose says:

    Brilliant – Is it original?

    • Boundless says:

      Rose: Is it original?
      Yes. Just written the same day, and presumably now covered by:
      http://www.trackyourplaque.com/terms.aspx
      topic: USER SUBMISSIONS
      I’m sure Dr. Davis will license it on reasonable terms :)
      And as it happens, a New Yorker magazine cartoonist is a close relative,
      but he will be horrified to learn about wheat (which he will, because we
      gave a copy of the book to his wife).

  5. dav id says:

    fresh raw butter and raw honey on a slice of spelt (wheat) bread that was traditonally made will digest like a dream. eating a slice of bread by itself does not sound good nor does it taste good. bread is a vehicle for raw butter and other animal drippings.

  6. Boundless says:

    Spam above. Remove it and this report.

  7. Lynn M. says:

    Is there any reason that I cannot make a marinara in winter using San Marzano canned tomatoes, since the growing season is completed this year, in Northern Oh?

  8. Janne says:

    I”ve been off wheat for 5 months now and loving it. Yesterday was my birthday and my daughter-in-law & son invited us out for dinner. They surprised me with an ice cream birthday cake, knowing I was wheat-free. I don”t like sweets much but felt I had to be gracious and eat a small piece. The price? 2.00 a.m. sugar-rush and insomnia and early-morning diarrhea, ew! I just looked up Dairy Queen ice cream cake and yup – “chocolate crunch”s” first ingredient is wheat. I won”t be making that mistake again.