There’s a new drug, actually a new combination of drugs, called Juvisync on the market. (Yeah, what genius thought that name up?)
Juvisync is a combination of the diabetes drug, sitagliptin (Januvia), and the cholesterol-reducing statin drug, simvastatin. Because so many people “require” this combination of drug effects for the incredibly common high LDL cholesterol and diabetes, the wonderful people at Merck released this new 2-drugs-in-1 combination.
So it made me think that, gee, why not go a couple of steps better than Juvisync? How about a new combination drug called Tritisync that combines all the drug agents that correct the most common phenomena associated with consumption of modern high-yield semi-dwarf Triticum aestivum bread wheat? It would include:
–A statin drug–Atorvastatin (Lipitor) or simvastatin (Zocor) to reduce the high (calculated) LDL value and triglycerides that come from wheat consumption
–A diabetes drug–While it could be sitagliptin, it could also be one or more of metformin, glipizide, glyburide, or glimepiride, or acarbose. Because wheat raises blood sugar so predictably, higher than sugar and candy, then a blood sugar-reducing agent(s) is a must.
–A blood pressure drug–Since wheat leads to hypertension so universally, why not an ACE inhibitor like lisinopril or an ARB like losartan? Even better, because wheat consumption leads to an abnormal high-adrenaline state, how about a beta blocker like metoprolol that blocks adrenaline?
–A diuretic–Such as hydrochlorothiazide to counteract the leg edema that so commonly develops with wheat consumption.
–An anti-inflammatory drug–Such as naproxen or ibuprofen, since joint pains and swelling so commonly develop in wheat-consumers.
–An anti-depressant–Mood fluctuations are so common in wheat-consuming people that a drug that boosts daytime mood and, even better, quiets the restless sleep associated with wheat consumption would be nice. It could be fluoxetine (Prozac), venlafaxine (Effexor), or bupropion (Wellbutrin), for instance. The antidepressant would also help you cope with the weight gain that accompanies wheat consumption.
–An opiate-blocking drug–Naltrexone will help block the exorphins that are yielded from the gliadin protein of wheat that massively increase appetite.
There you have it: The 7-drugs-in-1 that comes to you as Tritisync! It would save you money, save your health insurer money, and save your doctor the extra work of writing prescriptions for seven separate drugs. And you will feel better: less pain, less moodiness, less leg swelling, less cravings, and it will allow you to eat your beloved bagel or toast for breakfast and pasta for dinner . . . since the adverse effects have been blocked!
Ask your doctor if Tritisync is right for you. People who take Tritisync may experience diarrhea, weight gain, neurologic impairment, and dementia. Tell your doctor whether you are taking any other drugs such as MAO-inhibitors and opiates.
(Close with shots of happy people at work and home, talking, running, and laughing with happy background music.)
Ain’t modern medicine wonderful?